i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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