Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
