Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
