ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
