$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
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