that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
