put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
