i barfeds in our rink
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
