Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
