please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
