Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
