Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Randomize
