You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
