Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I wear drunk well.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
