Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
