My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
