Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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