and she was petting her beer can
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
