You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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