I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
