I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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