I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
