No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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