So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
