for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
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