I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I need a hoe opinion
go on
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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