last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
