I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Randomize
