Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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