this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
