once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
