You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
