There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
