apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
