Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
