She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
