but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
