stop calling my apartment porn island.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
You took a bar mat shot.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
