and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
