I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
