Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
