Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Randomize
