everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
