Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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