a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
