We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
