Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
