how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
