well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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