Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
