i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I fill condoms, not promises.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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