i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
